Sep 212011

How can society best utilize people with “dirtbag strength”? Just sitting around in the laundrymat and collecting welfare is a waste of talent.

Dirtbags have a shockingly powerful ability in athletics. The dirtbag has been known for feats like throwing a kickball at over 240km/hr. With little more than access to McDonald’s breakfast and stolen whiskey from a passed-out step-parent, these dirtbags could be unleashed on the most dangerous regions on the planet.

Instead of spending millions on drones, just send in dirtbags with kickballs to dismantle entire terrorist cells. Robotic drones have been programmed to avoid missions that are too dangerous to avoid losses of expensive equipment. However, the Dirtbag Sniper has literally no filter and will eagerly tackle any mission. It’s as if the dirtbag does not WANT to survive – and attacks each mission with a fervor of someone who is eager to put the memories of alcoholic parents and childhood ridicule far behind them.

Just a thought.