Oct 112012

Love advice from guy guru, Ky Henderson (@kyhenderson). p38 Cosmo, October 2012

Question Ky’s answer Real guy’s reaction
“I hate seeing my tummy when I’m on top. Doesn’t he notice it?” He’s mainly noticing your boobs. Also, he’s looking at your face as you climax, you moving up and down on his penis, etc. He’s not noticing your tummy. Ky’s pretty much right. If you have a tummy, we’ve already noticed it, and we’re good with it. The thing we are noticing in bed, is “how awesome/fun/exciting is this sex going to be?”
“I went home with a guy I met at a party. We’re texting, but he’s not asking me out.” He may not think of you as relationship material… his feelings could grow and he’ll want to date you, but it’s unlikely. Text him “I’d really like to hang out sometime… If you’re not into it, I understand, but then I’m going to move on.” This is true. Dating is possible, but unlikely. I like his text suggestion – it’s the opposite of clingy. Non-clingyness is very attractive.
“My fiance calls his family about work promotions before me. Is it fair to demand he give me the big news first?” He’s used to going to them first. It’s fair to ask him to tell you first, but you have to be careful. First, let him know he’s the #1 in your life, and share things with him first, and then let him know you’re calling your family. Then, try “I feel silly, but it would mean so much if I was the first person you came to with major news. It would make me feel like we’re a family now too. I’d advise against this for most people. Asking (demanding??) someone to re-prioritize who they confide in could be considered invasive, and might set things back. Keep sharing YOUR life decisions, be patient, and things may or may not turn around. Find ways to love and accept him anyway. You don’t have to fulfill his every need in order for him to love you.
Nov 302011

Attraction Curve - graphing mental vs physical attraction

I love this graph of relationship potential, mentioned in a blog at FastCompany, and found on a website called ChartPorn.org. The name of that website is funny for enough reasons to justify a blog post on it’s own, but let me focus on the graphic. When I walk through the scenarios captured by this graphic, I think you’ll see the perfection.

DISCLAIMER: All positions on this graphic assume that the person being graphed, enjoys being with YOU. If you are a girl (doubtful – girls hate this blog), accept that this is written from “pig-headed guy” perspective. It’s the only perspective I possess. Keep an open mind – you may still be able to identify with the examples I present.

No mental attraction (not fun), no physical attraction (not hot):

Not fun, not hot people are a painful experience. That is a TRUTH.

Example: waiting for a bus next to an insane, homeless person shouting at at god, and calling him by god’s first name, Frank.

Increasing fun, zero hot:

Rarely fun, zero hot: This can be painful from time to time – (ex. the socially awkward friend).

Always fun, zero hot: “Hmm, my friend Ugly Sasha is sooo fun, maybe we should date?”. When Sasha’s blistering hot sister shows up, you remember how un-good dating Ugly Sasha would be.

Quite fun, and fractionally cute: This is a “work hot” scenario. Things get a little “urge-y” when you’re together for a while, or when drunk. This wears off quickly when you aren’t at happy hour or at work.

Increasing hotness, zero fun:  

Rarely hot, zero fun: You catch a glimpse of the person at the copier, or in dim lighting and they move out of the pain zone, but usually, it hurts.

Always hot, never fun. You can’t stand this person, it’s all about the sex, and might even be “angry sex”. On the far end, you think”Sasha’s blistering hot sister is typically a giant bitch, but she looks awesome when she’s laying there like a dead fish. She’s been less irritating today… maybe we’d be good together?”. Then she kicks your puppy in the face.

Really cute, rarely fun: Awkwardness occurs when one person finally realizes they’ve always wanted something more. Also known as the “shotgun wedding”.

Increasing hotness, Increasing fun:

Rarely hot, rarely fun: Never painful, you can always tolerate these people.

Sorta hot, sorta fun: You definitely date this person. Everyone’s happy for a while. You may discover unacceptable pockets of “not-hot” or “not-fun”, which causes you break up. Example: they have sex with both your parents, without your consent, and without you. Or, you were tricked by careful clothing selection or how they made a last-ditch effort in personal hygiene that can’t be maintained. Example: Spanks/Padded/Water/Underwire bras/the one tailored shirt/pants, or unwilling to shave(anywhere)/shower/brush teeth.

Quite hot, quite fun: Wedding bells.

Top-score hot, maximum fun: Doesn’t exist. People who are really fun, lead a lifestyle that does not lead to a chiseled frame. People who are very good looking, do not need to put in the effort to be really fun, or they’re not seeking the “equipment” your sex can bring to the table.

Now what?

Someone has proposed ranking everyone you know on this spectrum. While personally I feel icky considering this level of judgment, I would not judge anyone else for engaging in such an exercise.

Ladies, if you are still reading, I invite your perspective on this. What do you think? Does this apply for both sexes?