Feb 092012
 

Bruce Jenner is going to get ass whether we do him or not

Roy, Cinnamon, Griff discuss drunkest stories, Roy needing a new football bandwagon to jump on, the triple point (both hands and a foot), celebrities that we would barely sleep with, what cosmetic surgery would you want on someone, rabbit toys, anal hook ups, BJ or vay jay for the rest of the life, sound of people banging turn you on, and much much more.

Editor’s Picks:

“I’ve told you, I’ve only tried it once. And I was. Crying. Like a Chai ELD.” – Griff circa 32min.

Be a life-long learner:

If you want to get some ass, simply go to CheeseTique:

Cheesetique Del Ray (703.706.5300)
2411 Mt Vernon Ave, Alexandria, VA

Cheesetique Shirlington (703.933.8787)
4056 Campbell Ave. Arlington, VA

Feb 022012
 

Roy and friend dressed to kill at the Black and White party

Roy, Cinnamon, Griff join another wine tasting, and we discuss dumb and dumber outfits, Victorias Secret the Magazine, why “Afghanis don’t front”, Michael Tyson a as fat, angry 3rd grader who bit off his teacher’s ear, cankle liposuction, bull dozing a woman’s vay jay, two legged dog who is a motivational speaker, pooping on people who are drunk or homeless, speed hooking up instead of speed dating, key partys, hot people at harris teeter, girls hotter in groups – guys hotter in doubles, the “stare down eye lock”, panty dropping date places, the “dirty grab” (carnival claw) and a hell of a lot more.

Editors Pick(s):

“Are your panties as wet right now as mine would be if I had just taken a pee?” – Roy, circa 17min

“If only they sold dildos at Target.” Cinnamon circa 28min

Be a life-long learner!:

Letting red wines breathe is a waste of time (1, 2), and does not impact taste. Decanting only should be done to prevent sediment from getting in your glass, in wines like ports.

Cinnamon was kinda right – white wines may benefit from releasing the sulfur dioxide (SO2) odors. SO2 is used to prevent oxidation, so, don’t let white wine breathe unless you want it to turn brown.

Key party – males put their car keys in a bowl, and the female goes home in the car of whatever key they choose. I feel like someone would just steal my car at this party. The British version is where guys get a key and girls have a lock, and when you find that matching person and the key fits, you go bang.

Inspirational two legged dog, Dominic (below) – way cooler than this pathetic dog, Faith, seen on Oprah.

Jan 262012
 

Example of a Face Screensaver that I've seen while riding a bus

KC and Tony talk getting roofied, fighting hipsters on Ust, Irish goodbyes, giant NYE parties with a magician, trip to mexico – Guadalajara, taking a gun to express yourself and to shave with, Cancun, the Face Screensaver, Turducken soup being 3x times healthier than chicken noodle soup, strange breakups lines, head on collisions with yugos, being a dick on the highways, kitty genovese, vibrating tampons, abandoning the drinking age, prohibition, fruits that taste like vagina, and are doppelgangbangs a possiblility.

Ciao, Tony

 

Editor’s Picks: KC “A lot of things are weird. Take oysters for example; oysters are weird. You should probably leave.” (47:55)

Be a life-long learner:

Leprosy CAN be passed from person to person AND from armadillos (1 point for KC) and they were indeed quarantined on a Hawai’ian island ((1 point for Tony). A leper colony on Hawai’i – not a bad gig.

Kitty Genovese (the bystander effect): stabbed to death (original press release). A dozen people witnessed the event at 3:15am. The initial call to police was vague and didn’t cause alarm. The PERP returned 30 minutes later to finish the job. Second calls resulted in a squad car arriving within minutes. Quite a bit of controversy and misinformation surrounding this event. Mentioned in The Tipping Point, by Malcolm Gladwell.

Alcoholism in primates: Here’s BBC Footage of monkeys stealing drinks at an island resort:

Jan 192012
 

DJ on Spring Break at Messiah College (or, what it seemed like)

DJ and Harry join to discuss DJ’s ambiguous ethnicity, turning down Ravens NFL luxury box playoff tickets, getting too high on pot brownies, dating site picture stalking, a love concierge service for picking up girls, keeping them happy, and helping through breakups, being a stranger at Irish Times, tipping on carry out food, how well our parents tolerate irreverence, attending ‘dry’ colleges (Messiah College), family roles with brothers and sisters, fuking (fart-puking), why girls seem to pee their pants laughing, hot farts, a girl wiping ass on guy’s jeans while making out, Tony’s gross-out of buttholes, and more.

 

Editors Pick(s): Harry: “DJ, you’re a very racially ambiguous fellow”, DJ “If security doesn’t pull me out of line, I think ‘you BETTER get guys who look like me'”

Be a life long learner: Peeing your pants while laughing DOES happen to girls more 2-5x more often than boys, and it’s called “giggle incontinence”. 25% of underage women have reported this happening at least once. It’s not too funny from what I’m reading. Some women of have had their life pretty turned upside down – from lifestyle changes to counseling. Actually sounds pretty horrible – a fun, laughing part of your life is now a source of constant dread. According to National Institute of Health , 569 of 1,421 children aged 5-15 showed some symptoms of involuntary tinkling. Exercises can help the problem, as may methylphenidate, (ie Ritalin)

Jan 122012
 

Swat team at my place

 

Chris and Roy exploring Plan B, potato guns, NASCAR real stock car racing, Fraggle Rock, parents partying, small town law enforcement, inter-office mail order brides, doppelgang-bang, consolidating public services, shady roommate and the SWAT team, strippers making $1 bill deposits at atlantic city, and more.

Hope you enjoy! Tony

Editor’s pick:  Roy :”I don’t have time to tuck in these $1 – I got a guy for that.” (47:10)

Be a Life Long Learner:

In building your own potato gun/tee shirt launcher, be sure you use schedule 40 PVC. It’s pressure rated, so it’s less likely to explode into your face, or rip off your hand. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyaZipWVjrE)

Screen shot from a video posted on youtube by "jiro9cuts0001"

Jan 062012
 

Old-Timey LASIK

Podcast about the last things we’d want to see before getting laser eye surgery, age range we would work at trader joes, fear of nanobots, pizza as a pizza topping, the pope’s first tweet, fluids to use in the bedroom, my “graduation” ceremony. We tried out Roy’s paper fortune teller and had a good time, despite not having any salmon.

All my love, Tony

 

Editors Pick: LB talks about my new favorite adjective, “stabby”.

Be a life long learner: 

Growth of Computing Power

Technological singularity – the time when super-smart computers design super smart things at an ever faster rate. Unlike physical things, like a population explosion in rabbits taking 10 years, technology/intelligence doesn’t need “time to grow”. This could theoretically mean that computer intelligence could get out of hand in a matter of days or even hours.

Nanobots (nanorobotics) – machines that are so tiny, that a nanobot working on a cell in the human body would be similar to working on a building. Additionally, you could inject a robot into your bloodstream, and they could do the work, and just get pee’d out or something.

Dec 282011
 

Bill Illin' with The "Il"

Kim Jung Il was, by all accounts, a very bad dude. And not like “cool” bad, but “shipping off lots of people to their death for being short” bad. (irony: Kim Jung Il was ~5’3″, if Clinton is about 6’0″)

What is NOT frequently accounted is how TERRIBLE he was at PUTTING! Like Happy Gilmore terrible. According to 17 bodyguards, Mr. Il shot 11 holes-in-one the first time he played golf. Then he never played again. His score?

-38 under par. Assuming this was a par 72 course… He finished his round in an amazing 34 strokes! Wow, I think?  With 11 holes in one? Wait a minute… he must have been a shitty putter! Let’s say he got a hole in one on:

  • 3 out of 4 par 3s (hey, nobody’s perfect – even a guy who doesn’t poop)
  • 7 of the 10 par 4s
  • 1 of the 4 par 5s (remember, the guy is a god. and doesn’t poop)

"I WILL OPPRESS YOU, BALL!" - Mr. Il

Quick math shows that he took 23 strokes on the other 7 holes. Let’s say he double eagles (2 shots) two of the par 5s. That leaves 19 strokes for the other 5 holes – or all pars and one birdie. He must have had 3 and 4 putts per hole! I’m sure the person who made his putter died after that round.

 

 

 

 

Dec 272011
 

A rose by any other name would smell like A THROWING STAR!!!

Ron Artest is a good basketball player. Metta World Peace is a figment of the imagination, and does not exist. I had to tune in to ESPN today to see what they were calling Ron Artest, who changed his name on 9/16/2011 from Ron Artest to “Metta World Peace”.

Sure enough, announcers ACTUALLY SAY “World Peace” when passing and scoring. Kings Lakers 12-26-2011

If I were an announcer, I would just continue calling him Artest. What if the man changed his name to “Antidisestablishmentarianism” or “FuckTony”? I’m not saying those words. His name is Ron. Mine is Tony. His name doesn’t change. Mine doesn’t either.

OK, Chad Johnson changed his name to Chad OchoCinco. At least that was kinda funny/ridiculous.

And Prince changed his name to a symbol because his recording label wouldn’t let him use his name.

And Sean Combes – whom I respect on screen as a fun actor- please figure out a name

  • Puff Daddy? that’s dumb, but whatever.
  • P. Diddy? Wow you now sound like an arrogant prick, to the untrained ear
  • Diddy? Seriously? “Diddy”? You made a conscious decision for people to call you Diddy. Sean, that sounds like a name that a bully calls you in an attempt to mock your real name.)

Why not just do a nickname?

  • “Hey there, my name is Sean Combes, but people have been calling me DoubleDip lately.”
  • “Cool man, good to meet you. My name is Alabaster CreamPie, but people call me Tony.”

I have no problem with the words Metta (loving kindness) and World Peace sounds great too. I just can’t see changing your name just to fuck with people. After all, the man didn’t even show up in court to get the name changed himself, it can’t be that serious to him. It’s just stupid. And I don’t honor stupid things. Like speed limits, or social graces. Both are soundly ignored.

Perhaps he’s not to blame. Artest seems to be insane, or has a very strange sense of humor: (click here for a video of the interview)

And I was just like, wow, what if I lost my teeth, like, today? And I’m 32. You know? And then my new teeth would grow back in. You know? I was just thinking about that. And I was like, that’s really pretty brilliant; he actually thought about like people’s image and, you know, persona and things like that. ‘Cause you would be pretty ugly with no teeth at the age of 20, 18, you know? So not only did he build the world in seven days, seven nights, he also said, OK, let them lose their teeth early, rather than late.

Oh well. I hope you find contentment, Mr. Artest. THAT is my metta for you.

-Tony

 

Dec 222011
 

Abe and DJ discuss nuptials, terrible wedding gifts, crystal stemware and gravy boats, uniting the clans for better wedding gifts, when to write wedding thank yous, plaster of paris penis gifts, re-gifting the 1 year late wedding presents for your anniversary, how to repeat yourself, Dog the Bounty Hunter as wedding representation, recinding wedding gifts given to douche-y married couples, gift rape, smell over internet, rodeo of skills, pushups for party fouls, deal breakers for guys, butt mufflers, Certa’s new mattress which will neutralize farts in bed with that someone special, and fart bombing your mom as a child.  Enjoy!

Hugs and kisses, Tony

 

Be a life-long learner! Menorah – a 9 branched candle holder lit during the 8 day holiday. The 7 branched symbol is used in the ancient temple or otherwise.

Editors pick(s):

At 20:51, Tony says “eeuuuuwww” in response to Abe’s story about what makes girls amazing.

At 42:15 – DJ says “yeeessss…” in celebration of Tony’s news.

Nov 272011
 

Arnold, the early years

Tonight’s podcast with guests Neil, DJ, and KC features alien women, mandatory jobs for the 14-21 yo set, Popup Video for the porn industry, flavored birth control, voices in GPS navigation (if you choose Arnold’s voice, would it tell you to “get to the chopper” instead of “turn right”?), and more.

Please excuse the audio quality, we’re still working on balancing mics and removing background noise.

During our talk, there was dispute on:

a) does a female mantis eat its mate after intercourse?

Some evidence suggests “yes”: Mantis eating mate

b) what is referenced in the phrase ‘rabbit done died’?

Wikipedia says “”The test consisted of injecting the (potentially pregnant) woman’s urine into a female rabbit, then examining the rabbit’s ovaries a few days later”, which required killing the rabbit to see the ovaries – so ALL rabbits would die.

Hope you enjoy the show!

Tony