Dec 152011
 

The 'Mons Pubis' image from wikipedia. Seriously.

Roy, Kandie, and Griff talk about getting kicked out of bars, how fruit juices affect the taste of “people juices”, cialis’ing strangers at a bar, shorn genitals, laser hair removal, why everything feels better for a girl with a shaved vagina, stories about exs, hook ups with cougars, and the sexual appetite of red heads.  All this discussion while we were wine tasting.

If you don’t know what a Mons Pubis is – Wikipedia can help. I’ve always considered Wikipedia to be a rather restrained group. The attached picture is refreshingly close to pornography. “Mons” means ‘mountain’, so it’s like Pubic Mountain. HA!

Cheers,

Tony

Dec 132011
 

For men: Bacon vodka: For women: Viagra vodka

Girls, have you ever had your eye on a guy at a local watering hole? Does he ever get so drunk, that he’ll bed you, only to experience equipment failure? Have you ever thought “Why can’t women reverse roles for a change and take advantage of drunk GUYS?”

The Great Equalizer:

Viagra infused Vodka, or drop Cialis your target’s drink. When you get back to his place, and he passes out, you can still jump on his junk! Trust me, he would/does do the same thing if the… genitals were on the other… position.

How to do this:

Step 1: Have your shady bartender to make that next “vodka soda” with Viagra infused Vodka OR you can drop a Cialis in when he’s not looking. A roofie won’t be necessary – I’m sure he’ll nail you when he’s drunk enough. It’s guy-code.

Step 2: Go back to his place, and wait until he passes out.

Step 3: Jump his junk, then leave his shitty apartment immediately.

I’m sure I’m missing some details here. Unfortunately, I try not to take advantage of women, and I am not a rapist, so I don’t know the DEETS. I don’t play one on TV either. And even after staying at a Holiday Inn Express (lawsuit forth-coming), I could not perform that hate crime with convincing gusto. In addition, I cannot consult a known rapist for details, don’t network with this sort of person. Please – don’t misunderstand me, I’m sure SOMEONE I know is a terrible person – it just doesn’t come up over Sunday brunch.  (“Hey, did you emotionally disfigure anyone this weekend?”).

Man, I’m glad to get this posted before the holidays!

 

Fun facts:

It appears what I’ve described above is not a felony – but penetration of any kind (oralanalvaginal) with an unconscious person of any gender is a felony. No “finishing up”, you bastards!

Above WOULD be sexual assault.  According to The National Center for Victims of Crime:

“when someone touches any part of another person’s body in a sexual way, even through their clothes, without that person’s consent.”

Lastly, if you or anyone you know have been an actual victim of this sexual assult or rape – get some frikkin support! Yeah, you might psychologically recover on your own in 20 years, but why wait? Also, the physical and medical trauma is not to be ignored. Here’s some groups to contact for help:

The National Center for Victims of Crime: (NCVC) 202-467-8700

Sexual Assault Support Services (SASS): (888) 747-7070

Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network: RAINN – 800.656.HOPE(4673)

Sexual Assault Crisis and Support Center – 207-377-1010

Crisis Call Center – 800-992-5757    or    800-273-8255   or   775-784-8090