Dec 212011

Cell Phone anger

Cell phone companies are ripping me off when I leave voice mails, and they are ripping you off too. I never talk on the phone, but when I do, here’s what happens:

Time Elapsed What I hear or what’s happening What I’m saying to myself, or out loud
0:00 dead air, the networks are starting to connect my call I DID press “call”, right? 
0:05 ring #1 Sweet, their phone is ringing, so it isn’t turned off
0:10 ring #2 Ugh – I hate it when my phone rings. I feel bad that the person I’m calling (Abe) now must find and answer their phone
0:15 ring #3 Maybe this canker-sore is avoiding my calls…
0:20 ring #4 Wait… who am I calling again? What the hell was I going to say? Shit – I hope this person doesn’t pick up right now…
0:25 ring #5 Oh no – now I’ve forgotten MY name too?!?! Is there anything around me that has a name on it? Maybe that will help me out.
0:30 Abe’s voice “Hey, you’ve reached Abe. Please leave a message.” Oh yeah, ABE. I was calling Abe. But why? I can’t remember. And who am I again?  Poop.
0:37 Cell Phone Lady’s Voice “Please record your voice message after the tone.” No shit, Lady pants. I’m a pro at this message thing, yo.
0:40 “When you are finished, you may press 1 for more options, or you may simply hang up….” Why is she enunciating so carefully and talking so slowly. Why would this voicemail come with instructions? Is THIS voicemail have a different routine than all the others? Poop – I better listen closely…
0:45 “…To leave a callback number, press 5.” Why can’t I just leave my number in my message? And who doesn’t have voicemail? If you, my only reader, use this option, speak up and I’ll give you one (1) free coupon to kick me in the balls with a rocket launcher.
0:51 “BEEEEP” “Hey, uh… ABE… it’s…. um…” Who am I again?
0:56 “uhhhh, TONY. Yes, it’s Tony. Hey, give me a call. I think I might have just drunk dialed your mother so… sorry.”
1:03 I press the end button. Shit! How did that entire call take more than a minute? I only said 20 words!


I just got charged TWO (2) minutes for that 12 second voice message! 18 seconds of the 63 second affair involved that dumb-ass lady droning on about how to leave a bull-shitting message on a voicemail?? If we could cut out her ridiculous I would only been charged 1 minute instead of 2.

In Summary

By putting that crap lady’s voice on our voicemails, they have DOUBLED the price of leaving a voicemail, and that’s SHIT. Call your own voicemail to make sure you aren’t doing this to loved ones calling you!