Dec 082011

If you are reading this, you are likely looking at it through a computer. You also might likely be reading this while at a legitimate daytie job where masturbation is frowned upon at work. Fear not, none of what I have to say here will have you popping rodges or dropping eggs (that’s for you female demographic).

Nay, I share with you something vastly more pointless and time consuming than anything one could masturbate to, besides alien autopsy videos Jenna Jameson circa 2011. It is a slight preview of what Anfernee, Harry and I will be discussing in the next podcast.

You are at your work computer. You have a program (like 90% of you have outlook – and if you don’t have Outlook, congrats, you work for the government, an educational institution or you are unemployed. I bet 87 Swiss Francs that you have a spam folder. In that folder are email messages that were filtered out by your IT department as spam. I forget what it means, but in this case spam is not the delicious “meat” of which Monty Python sings and Hawai’ians rape their pizzas with.

The problem I have, my spam doesn’t get filtered. This is because IT people have to perpetuate their existence and therefore nothing works correctly, but that is a rant for another day. I continuously have work related emails sent to my spam email and then sent a spam alert email telling me I have spam email, all the while Chinese furniture salesman are offering me bunk beds and Escort services are recruiting me directly in my inbox. Its not all children’s furniture and hookers though, sometimes I get urgent news bulletins, like the one below. I want to stress that I spent 4 fucking hours reading it. I read every headline, but not every story. I suggest you do not do that.

I also want to state that the color, capitolization and format came as diplayed. Unfortunately, the multicolored font disapeared with the website formatting, but please imagine that reading this would be like shoving a kaleidoscope up a Care-Bear’s Ass and having a look around the day after the annual Care-Bear Skittles and pea cock feast. It was fucking colorful is what I am saying.

Now, read on and learn about Nazi-Nasa-Russian Conspiracies, Pindor the Dragon, The Draconian Reptoids, Fema human meat stations and of course, the Black Pope.

Btw, those are real links. Click at your own risk.

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