Oct 092012

The scenario:

  1. Player A reaches to catch the ball thrown across the middle…
  2. … and the fans scream “KILL HIM!! RIP HIS HEAD OFF!!”
  3. Player A gets hit so hard by Player B that several pellets of Player A’s poop fill his pants… (that was alliteration, for those of you keeping track)
  4. The crowd roars with approval and excitement…
  5. …until Player A doesn’t get up
  6. Player B continues to bounce around, congratulating himself, as if he cured cancer. Nevermind that hisĀ  team is down by 4 touchdowns – making this play insignificant.
  7. As a result of the lifeless body, the crowd feels a bit ashamed that they screamed so loud for his death. There’s a murmur of concern
    Was that his spine there on the field? I’ve never seen a spine before, I don’t know…
  8. Several minutes later, Player A is carted off the field, seemingly ok…
  9. …while Player B continues to tell everyone how great he is. He does the “repeated low-5 slap” with any teammate that will pay attention to him.
  10. Player A, attempting to break the hushed, guilty silence, raises an arm, in a heroic THUMBS UP gesture.
  11. The crowd cheers a sigh of relief, clapping in encouragement.
    He can move his arm! He’s probably only paralyzed from the waist down! Yay!

“The reason you are in intense pain, is that you have many pins sticking out of your bones.”

What if Player A didn’t feeling like raising a thumb? Or, what if he felt pretty “Meh” about the whole situation? Would the hurt player give the “meh” shaking flat hand – “yeah, I’ve been better”. Maybe the player knows he won’t survive, and makes the thumbs down?

In ancient Rome, in the Colloseum, it was the “editor” who decided, based on his feelings and that of the crowd, whether a competitor would live or die. What if each stadium had an “editor” for the fallen athlete? Perhaps the mascot for the other team gets to decide whether Player A lives because of his mercy, or if he dies?

Roary, the Unmerciful Mascot

“Well Jim, they’ve stopped the stretcher on the way out of the stadium, where Mark Sanchez will have his fate decided by Roary, the Detroit Lion’s mascot. I gotta tell ya, I don’t like his chances here. OH – and sure enough! He gets the thumbs down!

“Yeah Tom, this is where the medics will euthanize Sanchez somewhere in the tunnel, and shuffle him off to dispose of his dead body somewhere outside the stadium in a dumpster. Tom, this isn’t all bad – at least this will free up some salary cap room for the Jets next year.”

Not sayin’ it would be good, or that I’d like it… but it would be interesting.